I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let's get the cat blown out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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