I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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