I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
