you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
