i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
