I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
