Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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