Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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