i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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