One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
