we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
