toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You are the jesus of drinking
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
