remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
