I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
