I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
