operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
