there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
