so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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