u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
