i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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