Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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