is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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