I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
