I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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