To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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