Sry I called you an 8
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
