I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
