And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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