I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
