worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
