i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
