You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
