I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
