he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
