Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
