i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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