I'm gonna have a badass scar
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
