I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He passed out mid-signature
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
