Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
