Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
