you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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