some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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