um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
