Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
