the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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