he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
