it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I touched a dick in church today
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