Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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