Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
