then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
