next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
