I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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