Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
