True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
