Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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