I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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