no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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