Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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