Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
