I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
