Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize