I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
