I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
