Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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