I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
