this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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