mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
