Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
do nipples grow back?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
