Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
