My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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