fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
