In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
