Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
