when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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