Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
