I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
