While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
